What Are You Storing Up?

Our church encourages the 'family' to share on Sunday mornings, this was my Sunday. It's just a small portion of where I've come from and the grace of God in my - in our lives!

I have been struggling this week and I have felt anger rise up in me at God and at myself. So I began to repent and get quiet before the Lord and see what the heck this was all about.

I have had great victory over anxiety/panic attacks, however I am not walking in the complete victory the Lord says I have. I began to search God’s word and ask why that is.

I believe the first reason is

…..I have not learned to let my fleshy response to certain situations be renewed.

What do I mean by that? When someone spoke words of failure over me as a child/young adult – I accepted it and it began to give me a fleshly emotional feeling. When I saw this person I would hang my head and then I began to believe it and expect it from others. My mind has control over my body therefore the feelings I would have would range from headaches to extreme tiredness to anxiety attacks FEAR.

Then the self talk would come in and make it worse. If I made a small mistake, let’s say I put a cup of milk too close to the edge of the counter and it falls and spills – you stupid….they are right….you can’t do anything right…you are worthless, look at this mess and it’s all your fault.

Here goes my body that sinking feeling, tired, want to run and hide, sick to stomach….

BUT what I heard and what I was telling myself was not true.

Yes, it was a mistake to sit the cup there but it wasn’t because I’m stupid or worthless. It was because I was in a hurry I wasn’t paying attention – that is something you learn to do, you realize that doesn’t work and you correct it the next time.

I cringe when I hear parents tell their children how stupid they are when they spill their milk. I’m sure they have no idea how much damage they are doing to that young spirit.

I believe because of my past it helped me to bite my tongue (no I was not perfect at this) and tell my daughters it’s okay, it can be cleaned up but to be careful next time, make sure you put the cup back further next time.

I believe our Father God does the same thing for us as we grow in our faith. When we sin He doesn’t tell us – hey stupid!!  He reminds us of His word, His love and that He is waiting for us to repent, receive forgiveness and move forward, walking away from the sin.

And the second thing

  Obedience – ouch, yep I was not being obedient. God does not tell me to be obedient in the big things only He tells me to be obedient period. And I see where I have been resisting Him – are you ready……I’ve been resisting Him in one area for a little over a year! Yikes

Does God still love me? Yep

Am I still saved? Yep

Is He still blessing me? Yep

But you know what – there are consequences in disobedience and therefore I’m not getting the full blessing He wants to give me.

So what am I going to do?

Repent, renew my mind in the Word of God, watch what I’m thinking and speaking and obey – move forward and do what He has told me to do. If He calls me to do it then I can do it – by His power!

Laziness, fear, self-condemnation, and the effects on my body from these things, are all lies of the devil.

So I Submit to God and resist the devil – devil, you have to flee!!!!!

In the name of Jesus!

Now I am off to do one of the things I know the Lord wants me to do – it is for His kingdom, His children. I even have a smile on my face as I take another step of faith. 

The Power of the Tongue

The power of the tongue – words can damage the soul

They may not have touched me in their flesh but they beat me with their words – who you ask – that doesn’t matter, what matters is I have victory and that is the path I choose to stay on.

I thought I had gotten released from the hurt deep inside from verbal abuse, from being told I won’t amount to anything, can’t do anything right, you must stay thin or your man will leave, enjoy life now because once you grow old blah blah blah

Unfortunately, not knowing who I was in God, I believed and accepted these things into my life.

There were all kinds of people that took advantage of this and more abuse came. I thought I deserved it until I met God and He has shown me through His word and through my husband just how special and loved I am. That I am who God says I am and no longer have to believe the lies of other hurting people.

With that said, for several days now I have felt angry and hurt not knowing why. So I began to pray and darn it if my husband didn’t notice something was wrong and it irritated him and yep we had a spat but these are few and far between and we know it’s not going to bring up the D word!! We know because of who we are in Christ and that we want to love and honor God and we are committed to each other,  we will defeat the enemy this time too!

Anyway, anxiety/dizziness/lack of confidence began to creep it’s way back in – big flag for me because it’s been years!

As I prayed and the Lord began to show me things I now see that there is still a very deep hurt in me that has never been healed, never really released it’s just been covered over as I keep a smile on my face. One of my deepest hurts in our youngest daughter walking away from her family and this brings up those old lies that I thought had been put to rest.

God has healed me of so many things and they have been in stages because if He shows me everything at once He knows I could not handle it. Therefore, I’m grateful for the times of rest before we begin another cleansing, which gives me another testimony and hopefully helps someone else as it helps me.

So here I go on a journey of letting go of hurtful words that most people have no idea wounded me. And that I never should have allowed to get so deep inside me, to open up that wound again. So there is no pointing of my finger because I’ve heard it said when you point one finger forward the other 3 are pointing back at you. And I believe if we take this attitude with our brothers and sisters in Christ we will see a great advancement in His kingdom. The gossip and backbiting would stop and we would all truly work together to do what He has called us to do. We may have different personalities, likes and dislikes, different levels on our spiritual walk BUT we have a common goal…..opps I got off on another topic J maybe I’ll do one on working together in the church, what I have, what I am learning!

So whether it’s an unbeliever or a believer that speak unkind words I must remember it is not an attack on me. We all have bad days, things that have happened to us that open wounds that have not healed completely – I need to remember this could be happening to them as well. They could have  received bad news, something I did or said could have triggered a bad memory in them,  you never know what is going on.

If I know God’s Word and can pray it, speak it and forgive then that wound is going to heal, completely and that is what I want!

So I will remember Psalm 31:19-21

Oh, how great is Your goodness, which You have laid up for those who fear, revere, and worship You, goodness which You have wrought for those who trust and take refuge in You before the sons of men! In the secret place of Your presence You hide them from the plots of men; You keep them secretly in Your pavilion from the strife of tongues. Blessed be the Lord! For He has shown me His marvelous loving favor when I was beset as in a besieged city.

And

Psalm 32:7

You are a hiding place for me; You, Lord, preserve me from trouble, You surround me with songs and shouts of deliverance. Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!

I was reading a book and this really jumped out at me, ‘Whether we talk to ourselves or others, speaking evil or negative words that do not agree with God’s Word can create bondage. Words that others speak about us or write against us – if we agree with them – keep us in bondage!’  From A Woman’s Guide to Breaking Bondages

Proverbs 12:18

There are those who speak rashly, like the piercing of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

The words we speak can be a blessing or a curse, we can bring healing or hurt in the words we speak- whether to the person or behind their backs.

Proverbs 18:21a

¹Death and life are in the power of the tongue

I could go on and on but will close with

Isaiah 54:17

But no weapon that is formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue that shall rise against you in judgment you shall show to be in the wrong. This [peace, righteousness, security, triumph over opposition] is the heritage of the servants of the Lord [those in whom the ideal Servant of the Lord is reproduced]; this is the righteousness or the vindication which they obtain from Me [this is that which I impart to them as their justification], says the Lord.

And a prayer from the above mentioned book.

Lord Jesus, You knew rejection, abandonment, pain and betrayal by those close to you. So you can identify with my hurts and wounds. Yet, Lord, as you hung on that cross, bleeding and dying from wounds you didn’t deserve, You actually asked Your Father to forgive Your offenders. Lord, please help me to forgive each person who has abused, rejected, or cursed me. Right now I honestly don’t feel some of them deserve forgiveness. But because I want my relationship with You to be right, I choose to forgive and set myself free. (help me love them as you love them – I added this). Lord, I ask you to heal my painful memories. Help me to anticipate with joy what you have in store for my life, now that I’m on the road to healing. Your Word says you complete the work you start. Thank you that you will finish my healing, and that you will never leave me nor forsake me. Amen